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| hella bella! schools over (even starting for some people). it was a quick semester. I learned a lot from being on my own. i liked it. maybe sometime when i am in the mood ill tell you all about it. i guess we all need sometime on our own to "search" for who we really are. yeh deep. i know. ne way, take care. not in the mood to write a lot. with lots of love and kisses, amnak. | | |
| Sallam guys.
Its obviously been a while. I hope you lot are doing well InshaAllah. So winter...hmmm....its probably the most anti-social season with the whole days getting shorter, lack of sunshine thing. But fall... fall is amazing, even breath taking in some parts of the world. "God must be a painter"- A Beautiful Mind. Very true. Like red, orange, puke green, lime green and various other colors and assortment of shades are presented before our eyes. Some scenes literally seem to be dabbed with a specific color paint in certain areas. Others appear to be pieces of velvet draped on large sticks. There are also such that seem to be involved in a case of vandalism with an aerosol can. I always wish I had a camera at such moments but as thankful as I am to have a camera, I know my brick size gadget won't do a bit of justice to such scenes. Darn! 
So this whole color thing just got me thinking, isn't it amazing how many different colors there are in nature. Even among humans, we are of so many different colors. Its funny because we always seem to categorize ourselves in certain colors such as brown, black, white, yellow, etc. I say I am brown but really I am not because I am much lighter than most "brown" people.
Any way, lately the media has been covering a lot of sad news from around the world, such as military rule on certain countries, war, suicide bombings, blah blah blah. I am from Pakistan, one of the "brown" countries, and one of the countries currently under military rule. So watching footage on GEO of lawyers being beaten up brutally, and people marching for causes they think they believe in got me thinking "why the heck are people so stupid?". It all goes back to relationships between 2 people, 2 communities, 2 nations, and so on. I think the difference between 2 people is deeper than just colors. Racial prejudice is always a concern, specially in this country, but really our differences come from our values and beliefs. The people of Pakistan have a variety of different values. That's why it's being torn up. No one can seem to agree upon a solution that will be best for the people of the land. I watch movies that have lessons about why we should bridge the gap between each other (ex: Remember the Titans). It was possible to cross those bridges because they were on equal grounds making it stable enough to cross. Meaning the two parties involved shared common values, beliefs and goals. The one dude from RTT got hit by a car. I was sad, even in tears. He was a good guy and in the whole plot of the movie, one of the few people who seem to be friends with the black people in the movie. The reason he was able to connect with the black people was because they both shared common values and goals (winning the games, doing well in school, and family).
Any way, what we seem to lack is respect for the differences between races and even within our own race. If we don't agree with something, we place barriers around ourselves to protect us from whatever it is that's different. I specially need to get over the whole different is bad concept. Different is a good thing. Right? 
The trees look good. Yes. But they look better when they are placed among other trees of different colors.
Any way, this was on my mind. Sorry to make it long.
PEACE! 
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| Sallam peeps!
First of, I want to wish you a very happy Ramadan! InshaAllah, this month will help us get closer to our Creator.
Second, I have been thinking lately about my life. (I just want to make it clear that when the amount of sunlight decreases, I get depressed. Yes, this will be a ranting entry.) So, I just hit the big two-zero... pretty much I'm old. Of course, I always look at age through different perspectives, but, those little kids that I used to be able to chill with now look at me for some type of wisdom hosh-bosh, bringing forth my worries of growing out of the 18-year-old mindset to a young lady mindset. Reinforced by society's notion (desi notion) of the proper age of marriage to be around 20, I have come to the conclusion that my life will be pointless and wither away like the pointless lives of others' before me without accomplishing anything great.
Yes. It is all about the attitude. No. I have not accomplished anything great thus far (another reason to add to my worries). I totally understand my purpose in life (to worship God) but I want to do something great for His sake. I have no idea where I am going with this, but I needed this out of my system somehow. HELP?!
XOXO
peace.
ps: maybe Ramadan will turn things around.
pss: Amal/Nabila please read between the lines.
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| sallam guys.
four months! man i feel totally disconnected from the world. maybe thats why i haven't been updating (u c i only update under stress i.e. before an exam and i havent really had an exam in like 4 months :) so i feel quite disconnected) ne way...i would like to talk about the harry potter book. sigh...it was quite amazing.... i love the fact that Snape was actually a good guy. and i was sad when an ex-professor of the Defense Against the Dark Arts died. i loved Dumbledore even more because Rowling brought him down a few notches and actually put him in an image of someone susceptible to weaknesses. i loved Snape and Lily's relationship. and most of all i loved that it was a decent ending.
thats all i am done.
take care.
peace.
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| Sallam
I hope you are doing well and dandy InshaAllah. FYI: in this entry, I didn't quite know how to approach it fully and I didn't know how to explain it without making most of it be first person. i am not showing off. btw: it is not complete yet so don't comment. come back and read the finished version and then comment.
So you know how sometime you might think about something and then have to put it on hold for a bit (like a couple of days or maybe even years). Then you come back to that thought one random day and complete it, or expand it even further to the point where it boggles your mind. Well that happens to me all the time. I don't even think this paragraph is relevant to what I am going to talk about but I like those thoughts.
So I was having one of those 'no body loves me and I am not what they want or why can't i be like her or him' day one time and cursing at the people who have been brought in this life of mine to make it hell. Like you know those people that you always compare yourself to in your classes or those girls (guys) you always want to be like or that one guy (girl) you want to look nice for but doesn't even know you exist. Better yet, those kids your parents always compare you to. UGH x 3!!!! The kids that get the 4.0 GPAs and those kids that tell their parents every damn thing or those kids who can cook and study. I don't know some damn idealistic "normal" kids. Well I am not one of them (not even close), the rents hate it.
Then I got to thinking, forget those damn people! Comparisons are always based on perspectives. Yes I am not a 4.0 student and I am not attractive (especially when i am hungry), I can't fix a computer or cook or freaking sew on a button properly. Hell, I can't even carry on a proper conversation with people I am not comfortable with. Quite frankly though, I really don't care. You see, I am molded and curved and shaped in a way that is perfect for One Being and One Being only: Allah. He created me in such a form that was beauty to Him. Who am i to be ungrateful for that. Forget the looks for a second. Lets talk personality and character. I know I have MANY faults when it comes to my inside self but I think those faults make me perfect (in a way that God wanted me to be). I am not saying that I don't need to work on my character. I am saying that if I did have a perfect character, that very thought would make me imperfect because humans are very nasty creatures. They either want more more more or they want to diminish others so it appears that they have more more more. Not only that, arrogance might come into play and no culture or religion appreciates arrogance. I think my character, the way it is built is a beautiful balance of good and bad which forces me to work daily to reach a state where the Prophet (SAW) was. That path to perfection (because I happen to believe that the Prophet had the perfect character) is a life fully lived. A life fully lived is a charming neckles of beaded moments held together in a string of time. yeh and what is more perfect than that desire and work in life. Isn't it a good thing that we arent perfect...life would be pretty dull if we didn't change. blah blah blah don't read on i am not done.
Well there can be a flaw to my argument. You could say that "well if the character is perfect, how can there be arrogance involved?" The answer is there can't be. He created me in such a form that i would be able to combat any difficulty in this life.
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